The hardest part of being emotionally unstable is being aware of it. You force yourself to fit into the society because you know that is the way humans have to do. You know you have to feed yourself and buy your own things. You know you have to earn your own money, because you cannot leech off someone else's funds. You know you have to deal with people you do not trust. The outside world is scary, but the thoughts inside your head when you are alone are scarier.
And because you have to fit into the society, you have to force yourself to smile and interact, and conceal your fears, because explaining your feelings to people is more exhausting than bearing it alone. And when you finally open up to people, expecting that the person will finally understand you, they do not, and you end up feeling frustrated on your own.
In the end, you are wounded by a betrayal and your choice to never share yourself again becomes even stronger. Because the wound is deeper, the daily act of fitting into society is more painful.
That is something many, many people do not understand. All they see are the irrational behavior, extreme introversion, selfishness, outburst of anger, hyperactivity, defiance, apathy, and all the things they do not consider "normal".
Even if mingling with people is scary, we appreciate friends. We like how people also try to reach out and include us in Friday drinks, online games, etc. It is nice to be treated like normal people, by people who do not discriminate you for anything and just love you for being a friend, workmate, acquaintance, colleague, a normal human being.
Because the sensation is nice, we keep coming back, wanting more human interaction. Until someone steps into our personal lives and act like they know better. That what we feel is all in our heads. That we are not positive enough, and we keep ignoring the good things and focus on the bad.
We know. We know how discern good and bad things. We have our own opinions. We are just emotionally unstable, but we are not imbeciles.
We have dreams. We have things we want to achieve. We want to live long so we can accomplish great things and be able to contribute to society. We do not hate the society. The society is nice. But, at the same time, the society is jam-packed with evil—discrimination, sexism, racism, smart-shaming, forced morals, toxic filial ties—things that make us think, if we are all equal, why are some people cancel out the rights of others? People often stereotype introverts and depressed people as "those who hate the society". We do not hate the society. We hate the way the society works.
I guess we lack the courage to fight the system. It is exhausting enough to explain a feeling, what more to fight for equality and understanding. In the end, sometimes we think that the once stereotypes are really becoming our reality. And we are aware of it. We are aware of our shortcomings. But we keep our battles to ourselves, because there is no benefit talking to the closed. We have to defend ourselves because no one will.
Sometimes, mere awareness is not sufficient to save someone from despair. As an analogy, it is like falling from a very high and steep cliff. Just because you are aware you are falling does not mean you can suddenly fly and defy gravity. Or miraculously grab into a twig or rope out of nowhere. You can only go down and accept your fall (or even death). Just because we are aware does not mean we can simply fight.
Just a little more understanding.
We are not asking anyone to treat us especially nice. If we break a private property, reprimand us. If we say untrue things, correct us. If our silence harms someone, confront us. Just like how a person normally deals with other people. But, if you are someone who says whatever is on your mind no matter how harsh, we are not asking you to be especially nice to us. Instead, may you be someone who listens more than he speaks, and someone who chooses to complement his actions with compassion to everybody, not just to the emotionally-challenged.
I hope everyone stops invalidating anyone else's feelings just because they do not conform to a certain train of thoughts. We are always, always trying our best to be rational and to fit in, because we, too, have roles to perform in the society.
Please trust us and let us fight our battles with confidence. It is fine if you cannot support, but please, do not contribute to the harm.
Everybody has his own fight. Let each of us be supportive of each other.
Thank you.
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