Odds of Life

This morning when I woke up, I found a rat floating in the bucket in the CR. I don't know how to feel about it. Should I: a) pity because it's actually cute and poor, b) be disgusted because it's so filthy I want to toss it like a shuttlecock, or c) envy because it can swim and it doesn't drown and I can't even float on a 5ft pool? I don't know what to do. I just look at it whenever I go inside and watch it swim without getting tired. I want to save it because it's so poor and struggling; but I don't want to save it because it's not an endangered species. It's a pest. I don't particularly hate it like I hate cockroaches nor fear it like I fear bees and big spiders. But, it's just one out a number of its kind. Its mother and siblings might find it missing (is this an antithesis?). Someone's gonna kill him later, and I don't have the urge to save it because I find no reason to do so. I know how it feels to be "tatanga-tanga" and slip and fall into a trap. I know how it feels to be left hanging in the middle of nowhere bound with walls. It's literally floating in a bucket: a walled cellar filled with cold cold water. I know how it feels to feel helpless, and you can't speak—voiceless, cold, alone. Yet, when people see you, they choose to ignore you and ridicule you. I know how it feels to be left alone, and no one comes for help. I know how it feels to motivate your hopeless self because you cannot rely on anybody, and just have to keep living. But it's not enough reason to save it. Hindi lahat ng nangangailangan, dapat tulungan. Most of them are just tatanga-tanga. Even though I know how it feels, I know how to fend for myself. I know when to surrender. Sometimes, struggle is futile. Life is very short. Some mistakes are irreversible, or incorrectible. Not at all times you get a second chance (I want to watch the movie, and the movie before it). Everybody should know that. Not just the positive essays we do to get a good grade because they are so inspirational that a reader wants to read. The reality is not so cliché like that. For instance, Machiavelli. Many demystify him because of his cruel view of reality and politics, but it's the truth. Returning, life is not a sequence of second chances. You'll only know where you went wrong when you made it correctly, but if you don't, it's so "sayang". At one point in spacetime, dadating ang panahon na wala nang tutulong sa'yo, not even your friends nor your family. You will have to fight alone. You need to learn how to fight alone, to motivate yourself and to know when to stop and accept the things you can't change—because there are. I kinda took inspiration from it. But life is so short, bae. Life is something short. I hope that before it wears out, it made a lot of friends, had fun, experienced mischievous encounters, went all out, etc. Life is short, especially youth. Youth is very short. But I'm afraid it didn't, because no one comes to look for him. Doesn't it have friends? Where is its family? Don't they care about it anymore? So sad. But as I said, not everyone who seeks help needs to be helped, because destiny has its own way of doing things. You might tell me, "Ba't 'di mo na lang pinakawalan?" It's hard to let go, guys. Especially if it's something that might one day make me sing The One That Got Away. Of course it's just an animal, so it really doesn't have to return the favor. But, it's a pest. Baka nga 'yung iba will kill it at sight e. Sorry, but even if you say, "Kung sa'yo kaya mangyari 'yan?", I'll know when to quit. Srsly. It's not being tortured naman e. If it's tortured, then I might (be the one to kill it so as to end the suffering). It's just left alone. I know the feeling of being left alone. Whatever might come, I hope it becomes thankful for its life, even though it's full of struggles. -- It's so unfortunate that I can't take a photo of it. The lightings are not very good and my camera is also not very good.