It's the End Now

You know you're doomed when you can't do anything but cry. The funniest issue of my 2012 was Doomsday. That’s very funny. Since 2010 my friends and I were including “the end of the world” in our group messages. The year 2011 came, and we were not affected. In fact, we’ve almost forgotten about the issue. We survived the year and then stepped into 2012. I don’t want to lengthen the story. Let me take you straightforward to December 2012. First day of the month, I was not in the mood of Yuletide season. Everything seemed too ironic. The best jokes were meant to be cried. The strongest people were broken down by the weakest. Next, everything seemed to be a joke. When I was ready, my rehearsals went useless. I deluged my own self to silence since I was only humiliated by myself to myself. Then, everything seemed to be unbelievable. I walked with someone whom I do not know. Someone made me cry while I do not know, and I made someone cry while that someone did not know. After, my long time beloved breathed like I wasn’t existent. I came back and forth to his front yet no eyes followed me, without any clear reason. Week after, I was sending group messages which when I read after sending I do not understand why and how I wrote those. Later, I was horrified by 12.12.12, something very weird happened. That time I was sure I was declined and hopeless. The next day, a person I had not seen for long came to school, but that person was not so happy seeing me. I smiled yet no response. I acted like nothing really hurts me, but deep inside, I’m crying. Later on that week, I found a small notebook with my poem when I was a Freshman. Then, the year-end party came and the class was not complete. Just then I realized that… tomorrow is Doomsday. December 20, I was so tired from the party I just came from. I was writing something when I got lazy and lain straight in the sofa. If tomorrow would be Doomsday, at what time would it be? Six PM? Then, the countries would be destroyed by batch – I mean, time zones – right? It was the trending issue of the day. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, even Google and Yahoo listed it as the hottest issue of the day. Well, let’s just wait till it comes. My life went on, normally. I woke up to say hello to sunshine. I played with my computer all day until it was dark. No Facebook today. And I slept in fatigue and eyestrain. The next day came, 22 December 2012, and my bed was still my bed. I shouted, “I SURVIVED!” Most of the shout-outs in my News Feed were about that ‘survival of Doomsday’ thing. I was so sure that this 12.21.12 End of the World was just a big load of crap. The world will not end in 2012, DUH?! Without any calamity coming or threat of seismic shocks or plague? That would be a so-surprise, won’t it be? That’s it. I survived. Hahaha. :D Without any fear, I just survived, because Mr. Doomsday was terrified by how the people of earth look like. Ha-ha-ha! Christmas Day… so solemn. There was nothing so extraordinary except for children shouting outside, “Magandang Pasko nga po.” The weather was not so fine so less people went out, and the city was more quiet than last year. Whatever. Doesn’t matter to me. I was having fun with my peers in FB and texting community. Suddenly, some of my peers went out without me when I was supposed to go with them. I once thought I was declined. But now, I am totally out of the league. Left me hanging? Be it. I can manage to have new ladies and boys. Then, thunder struck me. So many things rushed to my senses in an hour time. I was so concentrated and supersaturated that I don’t want to talk about anything that happened to me this hour. Mom would not catch me from the rainy appointment. Dad did not talk to me yesterday. BigSis went shopping without me. LilBro annoyed me. BigBro commanded me this and that. Classmates went strolling. Friends went bonding. Social media went out of reach. Papers went flying. Pillows went jumping. I was scolded by things I did not do nor know about. I was so depressed, that’s all I can say. I was twisted and torn apart. Even little things went wrong. I got annoyed and lost control. With nowhere or no one to turn to, I am nobody. Those things hurt me so much that I wanted to jump from the roof top; but I was not so idle to do such. Yet, I was still hurt, and I lost my reality. It’s like saying, “Hey! How I wish Doomsday really did come.” Earth was not destroyed by meteors and tragic disasters; my own world was. I was becoming more pathetic as the hands of the clock revolve. So, I started to shout whatever. HELL! Come and catch me! No one cares for me anyway! DOOMSDAY! Why didn’t you come? I was laughing at you ‘cause I know you’re a fake. But where are you now? STUPID! How dare you ruin my year for the last minute? Does new year mean a new life where you and I do not know each other? PEOPLE! You who promised would be beside me when I am down. Where the heck are you? I closed my eyes and shouted. Shouted. SHOUTED as loud as I could! The next thing I knew was me lying on a hard bed. There were so many faces sleeping with me in the room. I went out to see if there are people outside, and hey, where am I? I walked in the bright room where red lights flicker outside. I could not find my glasses, where are they? The smell of the building was so… eeww. The people are so busy. Is there a party in the roof top? Well, are they caterers and foremen preparing for the coming of the president of some big-time organization? I asked almost everyone I passed through, no one answered. I shouted to every window I see, no one cared. I got tired of speaking and walking. I leaned on the nearest porch I saw. Caterers and foremen, or whatever you call them, they went running back and forth with long carts full of stuffs, like water in a plastic bag, long curled hoses, small knives and scissors, fabrics like table mantles or carpets, and big loads of unwashed meat covered with white cloth being pushed. I was declined by everyone I ask. But trying won’t hurt me. “Hey miss. Who’s coming?” “Hey sir. What’s up?” “Ma’am, what’s this all about?” Hey! Can someone explain to me what’s happening here? Is the President of UN or the king of Mars coming here? So much business that no one listens to me. Talk to your hands, Dayanara. Oh. I forgot. My name is Dayanara, the nobody. I turned to the left, turned to the right, up, down, back and front. Crazy. But, I heard sobs from afar. Are they maids and butlers scolded by the manager of this place? No, they are- - they are my parents, and my siblings- - my family. Why are they crying? I am now in front of the door of the room where I woke up from the hard bed. The lights were opened and my family was all surrounding something. They were surrounding the bed I rose from. I jumped and tried to peek in to what they are crying at… The hard bed. The faces. The red lights outside. The smell. I passed through, not passed by. No one answered me, because no one heard me. No one cared, because no one noticed me. The caterers and foremen. The water in a plastic bag. The long curled hoses. The small knives and scissors. The fabrics. The big loads of unwashed meat. I want to choke upon realizing all these things. Now I know where I am, and what is happening. Slowly I pulled a chair near the backs of my parents and stepped and stood on the chair. Now, I am tall, I do not need to push myself to see why they are surrounding my bed. “She fell on the roof top. She was hopeless upon arriving here. We have done everything to save her to the last hope, but everything was not enough, Mister and Miss.” I should have considered Doomsday of my life was coming. I should have read the signs. I should have lived like I was dying. I should have never forgotten reality. I should have never flew away with my pathetic emotions. I should have learned that this would come. I should have been ready for what I was about to do. I should have realized that I already did. I should have controlled my emotions. Those were the things that run through my mind this time. Other people mean to me, they were not. Now, who’s crying upon my body? Who’s loving me now? Tears fell from my own blue eyes. I should have told them earlier how much I love them before I have no more chance to do so.