Abstrusely Written

WARNING: Unclear, crammed and indistinct. I really am not fond of writing, too lazy for that. And I think I just finished a big crap today. This experience brought two topics and a totally different self-concept for me to stuff this essay. I got a "raket" (sideline work) from my former teacher. I had to write two stories about a family wherein parents have mission to nurture their children with morals, education and faith. TOPIC 1 It was not the first time that I did such. She gave me a job to do before, and it was once a confidential agreement. Since, six months had already past, it won’t hurt to share. I copyread the online publication of CCS for 2013. When I saw the hard copy of the magazine at OSA after I got my handbook and pin, I smiled a bit, for I became a small part of it. I was a copyreader then. I was the champion, DSPC 2012, and I wonder what happened. I cram on prepositions, verb tenses and parallelism. It could only be either I was good than the others that day, or they were worse than I am that day. It was my forte, but I believe I can’t get it perfected. So, I consider that a strike of luck; in our language, chum bucket (tsamba). It was not my first journalism chum bucket anyway. First was DSPC 2011. I ranked third in Editorial Writing. A pressuring experience. It was my first time. The other factors were: the dislike of the field, the crowded venue, the time limit, the disgusting penmanship of mine, the impressions from contestants, et cetera. When I asked my co-journalists about the oval placed at the upper right of the paper, they said it was a slug line. The next thing, they talked about an F and an S. I thought they were cursing the event. I just assumed that what they said was fact sheet. They said it’s a paper which presents facts or details. We did not have that thing on the contest. That was what the other contestants were demanding, which I do not know. I was simply shocked at the end. I was only a journalist by recommendation, no trainings or seminar attendances. And what a funny thing it was, that I went to the battle without knowing that there is a sheet that facts and lines that slugs. Until now, I do not know if it is spelled as slug, slag or slog, or whatever. I just realized how naïve I am until now. TOPIC 2 A question arose. What is my perception of a family? Honestly, I do not know. If I would be from the outside, I can evaluate Sweet Baby Jamie C. Tan’s family as contented and simple: dad efforts to earn a living, mom does more than household, lil bro disturbs the sister. Nothing wrong at all. I allotted an hour for typing the story and half for editing. I did not achieve the target time anyway. Worse, when I read my article, it was a big, big, big garbage. It was not unique; it was not what I have plotted. Everything I’ve read was my own story: a girl who existed in two sets of attitudes for home and out, who kept interferences away from her decisions, who left filial mentality to escape the ties, who played numb for any accusing word for her coldness, and who silently strived to be the best to make her parents proud, even if they squeezed her principles and tell her it’s better to be an idiot than to be a rebel. But I am no rebel. I just sought the things which I need more than financial or basic. Hindi ko na target ang mapantayan lahat ng naranasan ng mga kaedad ko, mahahalaga lang ang hinahabol ko, kahit sa sarili ko na lang mga paraan. I just proved that one’s personal matters affect what he writes (of course, everyone knows that). What I have just written was a story retell, the setting and situation being patterned from my own. But in that case, the character who does the soliloquy was the parent, not the child. I do not know if it implies that I know what my parents feel about my emotional self-reliance and remoteness. If I’d be on the outside again, it’d be Jamie’s parent expressing reasons for distrust and protectiveness. There was really nothing wrong at all with my family. We are not perfect, but I do not recognize our religious indefiniteness or financial deficiencies in my list of imperfectness. I still do not know should I continue with my decision autonomy and determination. I was able to make some definite stands about my family. They are the folks which balance my everyday life despite of arguments, the property that will not leave me when others will, the troupe which guided my earlier beliefs, the people I want to acknowledge for my triumphs. Aside from these, definitions for family are vague. BOTTOMLINE I learned that when I am tired and has loads of work to do, I lose control and cram. When I cram, I make a checklist and time table. When the tables are finished, I keep calm and slowly start the things on the plan. As I am calm, I hypnotize myself to finish the things I need to. In the end, the things that comes out would be not what I am expecting, either too negative or too funny for me.