"It's all in your head", "Come on, just be positive", "There are a lot of people who have it worse", "Be grateful for your life"—these are among the toxic positivities we hear, a lot. Even for people without mental concerns, these actually sound cringy.
Of course, we all know that these are "in [the] head", that's why they are called "mental" concerns. But, the fact that it manifests and interferes in the daily life of a person means that it is real. "JUST be positive" is really narrow-minded, to be honest. It's dismissing the fact that there are a lot of things we can learn from negative situations, that even non-mentally-impaired people can appreciate. What exactly does "positive" mean, and whose standards are we going to use? Just because a lot of people "have it worse" doesn't mean that someone's situation is not bad enough. We are all different souls from each other, and we are raised in different environments. It's like saying that water in geyser is not water at all because it is not drinkable, not recognizing the fact that that same water holds life to a lot of microorganisms and that the whole Earth used to be covered with boiling water. And even depressed people know that there are lots of things in life to be appreciated, but there are also lots of things that they can't take, including dismissive remarks sugarcoated in positivity.
Thus, a lot of people choose to suffer alone. As digitalization advances rapidly, mental health education is really accessible like never before. Despite the overwhelming information available at our fingertips, there are many people who still live in the old times. And because people suffer alone, suicides often are shocking. Recently, I heard a story of a student who saved another classmate from suicide, but that student himself committed it. Recently, a famous actor loved by many died in a suspected suicide, and the reason is still not disclosed to public as of this writing.
Do people actually educate themselves with mental health education? There are some, but most don't, until they actually feel the need. I didn't conduct a formal survey for this, but just ask yourself: do you? If yes, good, spread the word. If no, start now. You may not be able to actively save a life by not speaking these remarks, but you will not contribute to their detriment. While educating yourself, you will encounter a lot of other articles which suggest ways to cheer up a person, to understand their behaviors, and to actually save them.
Credits to Lostboy Gravestone Blog
People are saddened by the death of someone by suicide, but in reality, it becomes the talk of the town in a worse way. Imagine this scenario: This person commits suicide. The family mourns. The neighbors visit the funeral, but no one knows why. People just stare at the casket, more confused than sad. The visitors, after they leave the funeral, discuss all sorts of "imagined" reasons—the person was bullied, the person experienced unbearable defeat or humiliation, the family has some hereditary mental disorder, or the person had debts being escaped from—any past event they are aware of that could make sense no matter how far. People won't really think about how they could have done to help prevent the event, because "they don't expect it to happen"; people are more focused on making stories because no one will explain for them. Not all deceased leave a note for the living. There are those who suffered silent and chose to remain silent forever.
You see, when someone we know takes their own life, we are often "clueless", or so we say. This is not to push the blame on the living, but to raise a flag to check our behavior—how do we currently treat our circles? We can't solve all problems, but do we contribute to the weight of the chains that bind them? It's okay to reveal our privileges, but do we use irresponsible remarks that dismiss their sufferings? Check ourselves.
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